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I've found that this happens when the l10n_cache is populated in the DB. Steps to reproduce:

mysql> truncate l10n_cache;
Query OK, 2809 rows affected (0.05 sec)

$ php maintenance/parserTests.php 
php maintenance/parserTests.php
This is MediaWiki version 1.16alpha(r52932).

Reading tests from "maintenance/parserTests.txt"...
Running test Blank input... PASSED
Running test Simple paragraph... PASSED
Running test Simple list... PASSED
Running test Italics and bold... PASSED
[.. the other tests run normally ..]

Running the parsertests populates the l10n_cache:

mysql> select count(*) from l10n_cache;
+----------+
| count(*) |
+----------+
|     2741 |
+----------+
1 row in set (0.01 sec)

Including the magicwords:

mysql> select length(lc_value) from l10n_cache where lc_lang = 'en' and lc_key = 'magicWords';
+------------------+
| length(lc_value) |
+------------------+
|             8110 |
+------------------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)

But now running the tests again gives the same error:

avar@aoeu:~/mw$ php maintenance/parserTests.php 
php maintenance/parserTests.php
This is MediaWiki version 1.16alpha(r52932).

Reading tests from "maintenance/parserTests.txt"...
"" is not a valid magic thingie for "redirect"
"" is not a valid magic thingie for "int"
"" is not a valid magic thingie for "ns"

And changing to a filecache works around the problem:

$wgCacheDirectory = "$IP/cache/";

avar@aoeu:~/mw$ php maintenance/parserTests.php 
php maintenance/parserTests.php
This is MediaWiki version 1.16alpha(r52932).

Reading tests from "maintenance/parserTests.txt"...
Running test Blank input... PASSED
Running test Simple paragraph... PASSED
Running test Simple list... PASSED

This is what I get when I manually unserialize the contents of the DB, looks normal:

avar@aoeu:~/src/mw/trunk/phase3/includes$ echo "select lc_value from l10n_cache where lc_lang = 'en' and lc_key = 'magicWords';" | mysql -N --user=wikiuser --password=wikiuser wikidb | php -r '$in = ""; if ($fp=fopen("php://stdin","r")) { while (!feof($fp)) { $line = fgets($fp,4096); $in .= $line; } }; print_r(unserialize($in));'
Array
(
    [redirect] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => #REDIRECT
        )

    [notoc] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => __NOTOC__
        )

    [nogallery] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => __NOGALLERY__
        )

    [forcetoc] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => __FORCETOC__
        )

    [toc] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => __TOC__
        )

    [noeditsection] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => __NOEDITSECTION__
        )

    [noheader] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => __NOHEADER__
        )

    [currentmonth] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTMONTH
            [2] => CURRENTMONTH2
        )

    [currentmonth1] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTMONTH1
        )

    [currentmonthname] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTMONTHNAME
        )

    [currentmonthnamegen] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTMONTHNAMEGEN
        )

    [currentmonthabbrev] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTMONTHABBREV
        )

    [currentday] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTDAY
        )

    [currentday2] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTDAY2
        )

    [currentdayname] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTDAYNAME
        )

    [currentyear] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTYEAR
        )

    [currenttime] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTTIME
        )

    [currenthour] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTHOUR
        )

    [localmonth] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALMONTH
            [2] => LOCALMONTH2
        )

    [localmonth1] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALMONTH1
        )

    [localmonthname] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALMONTHNAME
        )

    [localmonthnamegen] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALMONTHNAMEGEN
        )

    [localmonthabbrev] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALMONTHABBREV
        )

    [localday] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALDAY
        )

    [localday2] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALDAY2
        )

    [localdayname] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALDAYNAME
        )

    [localyear] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALYEAR
        )

    [localtime] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALTIME
        )

    [localhour] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALHOUR
        )

    [numberofpages] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBEROFPAGES
        )

    [numberofarticles] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBEROFARTICLES
        )

    [numberoffiles] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBEROFFILES
        )

    [numberofusers] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBEROFUSERS
        )

    [numberofactiveusers] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBEROFACTIVEUSERS
        )

    [numberofedits] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBEROFEDITS
        )

    [numberofviews] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBEROFVIEWS
        )

    [pagename] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => PAGENAME
        )

    [pagenamee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => PAGENAMEE
        )

    [namespace] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NAMESPACE
        )

    [namespacee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NAMESPACEE
        )

    [talkspace] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => TALKSPACE
        )

    [talkspacee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => TALKSPACEE
        )

    [subjectspace] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => SUBJECTSPACE
            [2] => ARTICLESPACE
        )

    [subjectspacee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => SUBJECTSPACEE
            [2] => ARTICLESPACEE
        )

    [fullpagename] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => FULLPAGENAME
        )

    [fullpagenamee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => FULLPAGENAMEE
        )

    [subpagename] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => SUBPAGENAME
        )

    [subpagenamee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => SUBPAGENAMEE
        )

    [basepagename] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => BASEPAGENAME
        )

    [basepagenamee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => BASEPAGENAMEE
        )

    [talkpagename] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => TALKPAGENAME
        )

    [talkpagenamee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => TALKPAGENAMEE
        )

    [subjectpagename] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => SUBJECTPAGENAME
            [2] => ARTICLEPAGENAME
        )

    [subjectpagenamee] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => SUBJECTPAGENAMEE
            [2] => ARTICLEPAGENAMEE
        )

    [msg] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => MSG:
        )

    [subst] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => SUBST:
        )

    [msgnw] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => MSGNW:
        )

    [img_thumbnail] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => thumbnail
            [2] => thumb
        )

    [img_manualthumb] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => thumbnail=$1
            [2] => thumb=$1
        )

    [img_right] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => right
        )

    [img_left] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => left
        )

    [img_none] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => none
        )

    [img_width] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => $1px
        )

    [img_center] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => center
            [2] => centre
        )

    [img_framed] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => framed
            [2] => enframed
            [3] => frame
        )

    [img_frameless] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => frameless
        )

    [img_page] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => page=$1
            [2] => page $1
        )

    [img_upright] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => upright
            [2] => upright=$1
            [3] => upright $1
        )

    [img_border] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => border
        )

    [img_baseline] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => baseline
        )

    [img_sub] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => sub
        )

    [img_super] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => super
            [2] => sup
        )

    [img_top] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => top
        )

    [img_text_top] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => text-top
        )

    [img_middle] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => middle
        )

    [img_bottom] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => bottom
        )

    [img_text_bottom] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => text-bottom
        )

    [img_link] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => link=$1
        )

    [img_alt] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => alt=$1
        )

    [int] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => INT:
        )

    [sitename] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => SITENAME
        )

    [ns] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => NS:
        )

    [localurl] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => LOCALURL:
        )

    [localurle] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => LOCALURLE:
        )

    [server] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => SERVER
        )

    [servername] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => SERVERNAME
        )

    [scriptpath] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => SCRIPTPATH
        )

    [grammar] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => GRAMMAR:
        )

    [gender] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => GENDER:
        )

    [notitleconvert] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => __NOTITLECONVERT__
            [2] => __NOTC__
        )

    [nocontentconvert] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => __NOCONTENTCONVERT__
            [2] => __NOCC__
        )

    [currentweek] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTWEEK
        )

    [currentdow] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTDOW
        )

    [localweek] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALWEEK
        )

    [localdow] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALDOW
        )

    [revisionid] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => REVISIONID
        )

    [revisionday] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => REVISIONDAY
        )

    [revisionday2] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => REVISIONDAY2
        )

    [revisionmonth] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => REVISIONMONTH
        )

    [revisionyear] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => REVISIONYEAR
        )

    [revisiontimestamp] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => REVISIONTIMESTAMP
        )

    [revisionuser] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => REVISIONUSER
        )

    [plural] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => PLURAL:
        )

    [fullurl] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => FULLURL:
        )

    [fullurle] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => FULLURLE:
        )

    [lcfirst] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => LCFIRST:
        )

    [ucfirst] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => UCFIRST:
        )

    [lc] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => LC:
        )

    [uc] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => UC:
        )

    [raw] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => RAW:
        )

    [displaytitle] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => DISPLAYTITLE
        )

    [rawsuffix] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => R
        )

    [newsectionlink] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => __NEWSECTIONLINK__
        )

    [nonewsectionlink] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => __NONEWSECTIONLINK__
        )

    [currentversion] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTVERSION
        )

    [urlencode] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => URLENCODE:
        )

    [anchorencode] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => ANCHORENCODE
        )

    [currenttimestamp] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CURRENTTIMESTAMP
        )

    [localtimestamp] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => LOCALTIMESTAMP
        )

    [directionmark] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => DIRECTIONMARK
            [2] => DIRMARK
        )

    [language] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => #LANGUAGE:
        )

    [contentlanguage] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => CONTENTLANGUAGE
            [2] => CONTENTLANG
        )

    [pagesinnamespace] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => PAGESINNAMESPACE:
            [2] => PAGESINNS:
        )

    [numberofadmins] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBEROFADMINS
        )

    [formatnum] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => FORMATNUM
        )

    [padleft] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => PADLEFT
        )

    [padright] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => PADRIGHT
        )

    [special] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => special
        )

    [defaultsort] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => DEFAULTSORT:
            [2] => DEFAULTSORTKEY:
            [3] => DEFAULTCATEGORYSORT:
        )

    [filepath] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => FILEPATH:
        )

    [tag] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => tag
        )

    [hiddencat] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => __HIDDENCAT__
        )

    [pagesincategory] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => PAGESINCATEGORY
            [2] => PAGESINCAT
        )

    [pagesize] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => PAGESIZE
        )

    [index] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => __INDEX__
        )

    [noindex] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => __NOINDEX__
        )

    [numberingroup] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => NUMBERINGROUP
            [2] => NUMINGROUP
        )

    [staticredirect] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => __STATICREDIRECT__
        )

    [protectionlevel] => Array
        (
            [0] => 1
            [1] => PROTECTIONLEVEL
        )

    [formatdate] => Array
        (
            [0] => 0
            [1] => formatdate
            [2] => dateformat
        )

)
avar@aoeu:~/src/mw/trunk/phase3/includes$ 

Assigning to Tim, l10ncache is his baby.

Marking this one as a blocker, as I really want to get automated runs of the tests going and it kind of sucks when they don't work. :)

Fixed in r53637.